Living Habits #5 and #6

Habit #5 Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

When we listen with the intend to understand others, rather than with the intent to reply , we begin true communication and relationship building. When others feel understood first, they feel affirmed and valued, defenses are lowered, and opportunities to speak openly and to be understood come much more naturally and easily. Seeking to understand takes kindness; seeking to be undestood takes courage. Effectivenesss lies in balancing the two.

Habit #6 Synergize

Synergy is about producing a third alternative - not my way, not your way, but a third way that is better than either of us would come up with individually. It's the fruit of mutual respect - of understanding and even celebrating one another's differences in solving problems, seizing opportunities. Synergistic teams and families thrive on individual strengths so that the whole becomes greater than the sum of the parts. Such relationships and teams renounce defensive adversarialism (1 + 1 = 1/2). They dont' settle on compromise (1 + 1 = 1 1/2) or merely co-operation (1 + 1 = 2). They go for creative cooperation (1 + 1 = 3 or more).


Both of these habits are also what the book considers as interdependence. These habits when used will allow an individual to seek public victory. From my personal experience, I do have Habit 5 and sometimes Habit 6 for friends. These two habits makes every group situation that much easier to deal. Especially for Habit 5, when you need to explain your point across to someone else.